a journal - among the masses

and I should know it. ARGH. I just had the worst headache in my entire life. No, not even a headache, more like a head-splitting fainting spell. @.@ It hurt. The entire world was spinning round me until I sank to a heap on the bathroom floor.

At least it was an experience. Worth having. Writers can't be proper writers till they've experienced a lot, can they? Not knowing how something feels, there's no way you can describe it perfectly and touchingly if you've never felt it before, not even if you're a master of writing. To feel your way into someone's heart and move the person, you have to really know how your character feels, and that can't be easy. All the greatest writers must have gone through tons of pain and humiliation and other human emotions, ranging from anger, loneliness, lost love, failure, abandonment... the list goes on.

It's not easy being a writer, is it?

Stuff I've watched in the past weeks:

Kimi wa Petto (live action starring Matsujun and Koyuki from Engine)
Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo suru
Naruto Shippuden 1 - 32: the fillers are over! squee. finally! This season is really exciting a lot of new battle techniques are shown. Definitely a must-watch!

THIS is a big reason why no one should eat animals.

"Farm Sanctuary has just released new and shocking undercover footage taken at Elevages Perigord, Canada's largest foie gras production facility. The footage reveals the abuses inherent in every stage of foie gras production, from the hatchery to force feeding to the slaughterhouse. Canada is responsible for 80 to 90 percent of the foie gras imported into the U.S. annually."  -- From Farm Sanctuary. See where this came from.

I don't get her. She's not even old school - that sounds too cool for the things she does. Not writing your name on your work? There goes 1 mark. Forgetting the date? That's another one. And not writing your name on your friend's work to show you marked it? There goes your other mark too.

I don't know if you think it's okay, but when none of the other teachers do that and everything still works fine, you'd undoubtedly feel that something's wrong with the stuff she does.

It's not like she actually gets any respect from trying to instill responsibility in us. If anything, that makes us respect her less. Other teachers don't resort to such measures and still we write our name.

What she does is equivalent to corporeal punishment on a lesser scale. It's like hitting a child so he knows what's right and what's wrong. In the end what the child learns is not that following the rules is the right thing to do because it is right, but that one should follow the rules in order to save one's own skin. It's a totally warped way of teaching which actually works, but not for the proper reasons.

I can go on and on about why she doesn't make sense and still I can't do anything. I want to petition to the principal.....


That wasn't all I wanted to say, but my bro kicked my off the computer just then and I didn't have any real excuse to take it back from him since he had a more important task to do than I did. And I don't really feel so irritated anymore, so I can't be bothered to continue on that topic.

Anyway, being a curious person, I clicked on writer's block today to see what I'd get. (i've never clicked on it before! O.o) Who would I want to return do time travel with? Hmm...

The obvious answer for someone caught in the whirlpool of love would probably be "my boyfriend/girlfriend" yada yada yada. However, seeing as I'm as single as can be with no wishes whatsoever in that direction, I think I'd rather go back in time with my friends. My plushie Scruffy the hedgehog, for example, would be a nice companion. I've always thought that when I go for my round the world trip I'd bring along a person who knows how to have fun and knows how to appreciate the city's cultural heritage. And history. And architecture. I plan to visit places which attract few tourists - the gems which the local people know about but which tourists, with their heads stuck in a map made for tourists by tour agencies and sponsored by the tourism department, will never get wind of. And that's probably why every time I go on a package tour with a tour agency (I know I'm eating my words here) I end up feeling disappointed and frustrated. Frustrated at my incapability to go round the city on my own. -_-"

Well as soon as I'm old enough, let's say before university, I'll go backpacking. And I predict all sorts of problems will crop up, get in the way of my nice backpacking trip; my greatest fear concerning this is that I'd end up never backpacking round the world at all, and I'll become a dowdy old office lady sitting in Singapore working my way through endless amounts of paperwork and coffee cups and gossip, which really the worst of the worst. When you come down to it, I'm not really afraid of growing old.

What I'm really afraid of is growing old not having done anything interesting to give me a story I can relate to others when I'm old and sitting in a rocking chair (not wheelchair, please God the fuzzy entity/energy I believe in). I don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to stay here in this country all my life. I want to live and Japan and bring my parents over to live there too, except they can't understand the language (I could teach them, I suppose, but would they understand?), and my father would never agree to migrating to a foreign country.

I suppose I've gone quite completely and irretrievably off-topic here. *frowns* It's just that time travel is quite similar to world travel, don't you think? It's just visiting a different time. Of course bringing along a bodyguard would help fend off murderous people who can't help but be xenophobic. Why do people have to hurt something a living creature they can't understand? It's living, like them. If it's sentient it can probably feel just like them. I suppose fear wipes out all morals. Humans are strange. I wonder if there will ever be a field of study concerning human characteristics compared to those of alien species in the future when aliens are located in the universe?

By the way, history seems dry when the facts concern huge numbers of people and machines, but when it's laid out like this, as in Wikipedia,

False starts

In July 1620, Speedwell departed Delfshaven with the Leiden colonists. Reaching Southampton, Hampshire, they met with Mayflower and the additional colonists hired by the investors. With final arrangements made, the two vessels set out on August 5 (Old Style)/August 15 (New Style).^[22]

Soon thereafter, the Speedwell crew reported that their ship was taking in water, so both were diverted to Dartmouth, Devon. There it was inspected for leaks and sealed, but a second attempt to depart also failed, bringing them only so far as Plymouth, Devon. It was decided that Speedwell was untrustworthy, and it was sold. It would later be learned that crew members had deliberately caused the ship to leak, allowing them to abandon their year-long commitments. The ship's master and some of the crew did transfer to Mayflower for the trip.

[edit] Atlantic crossing

Of the 120 combined passengers, 102 were chosen to travel on Mayflower with the supplies consolidated. Of these, about half had come by way of Leiden, and about 28 of the adults were members of the congregation.^[23] The reduced party finally sailed successfully on September 6/September 16, 1620.

Initially the trip went smoothly, but under way they were met with strong winds and storms. One of these caused a main beam to crack, and although they were more than half the way to their destination, the possibility of turning back was considered. Using a "great iron screw" (probably a piece of house construction equipment)^[24] brought along by the colonists, they repaired the ship sufficiently to continue. One passenger, John Howland, was washed overboard in the storm but caught a rope and was rescued.

One crew member and one passenger died before they reached land. A child was born at sea and named "Oceanus".^[25]

Then, you start to really think about who these people were, and what they did, and who they loved, and what stories they formed with their lives. I suppose that's why people tell stories. They're unimaginably powerful. Words, when written down, are never forgotten. You can't take them back in an argument; they're there, as bold as brass and bright as day.

I wonder how many wars started because of written words?

 

Let's start this the cliched way.

OMG. The Jap prelims were so freaking hard.



Nah. I'll try the untrodden-path way.

Prelims were an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I don't think I've ever been as high-strung about marks as I was this time round. For example (adopts a professor's voice), I seriously am not bothered about careless mistakes I make in Math, except when it affects something big like being admitted into the next grade or being  retained. This prelim, on the other hand, was by far the most nerve-wracking thing I've encountered in a while. The last time I felt like this was in primary school, when I actually cared about getting more than good grades.

Okay, let's string it all out:
First day of prelims. ORAL. I was feeling jumpy about that. Unexpectedly though I actually wasn't really nervous. I had to pause and take a deep breath at first while the sensei waited for me; at least she was nice about it. I guess. Oh was I glad I didn't get the other sensei (I can't remember her name but I think of her as the shark-eyed one. The one who looks at you like you're a low-life plankton not worth her time.)

I got the easy passage. There was only one word I didn't know. That's not the point though. Passage-reading is 3 marks, unimportant compared to the conversation. I think my conversation with her was okay; I won't go farther than that. I hope she's lets me scrape a 5 out of 7. ><

 Second day of prelims. ><><><><><>< 　これは最低だモン。文法のセクションではもう四点を亡くしました。やだ！　＞＜　一点はうっかりしていたからです。That truly sucked. And besides four marks in the first section I've also lost marks in my sakubun - I wrote さっぱりする instead of ほっとすり and I think I messed up my passive form in the 自由作文。

At least today's paper was okay. I'm never going to forget that 「吹く」　の発音は「ふく」　です。 I was thinking hard until I thought of saku and decided it was right. I actually grinned. Serve me right.

And now I'm going to watch Ouran. Or would hanazakari no kimitachi e be better?

ちょうど気付いた。私、一年生からいつも「さよんなら」って、正しいの発音は全然わからなっちゃった。恥ずかしいなあ。。。もう三年間に間違いました。＞＜

今で見ているドラマ：花盛りの君達へ、山田太郎の物語（面白いですよ！：D）

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I realise I havent' updated in ages... which is probably due to homework and stuff. Jap prelims are next month!! >< I gotta study. AND there are better things to do online. Like watching dramas. So forgive me if I don't think my life is interesting enough to lj about. I pick good material to post, not things that will probably bore people. Who really wants to know what socks you wore today or how you managed to stop yourself from falling over the bridge thanks to your clumsiness?

Anyway, I like this song. The lyrics are really down-to-earth.

And I'm about to go to Toudai. I'm not working, am I? Perhaps I am. I'm certainly going to have to sponsor myself at Toudai. Of course, shopping in Japan is definitely going to be tons more expensive...I'll be very poor貧乏の人ねえ... If you go on scholarships, you'll be bonded to a certain organisation for a few years and by the time you complete your education you'll be in your late twenties at the most... 27! No way! I am so not going to let myself become that old without having had some fun in my life. I'm feeling the pressure of boring work and a normal life...which I don't want. Being 27 in Japan is okay. Being 27 in Singapore is not.

I wish I could be 11 once more. Without the embarrassing incidents, that is.

Note: Proposal Daisakusen was pretty anticlimax-y because my friend just had to tell me that the ending would turn out well so I already knew I wouldn't be disappointed. The thing is, my hopes went too high after knowing and I was disappointed that the ending wasn't sweeter and happier.

Seriously, what is the point of having schools? Sometimes I don't understand it. Every once too often, schools seem to delight in forcing pupils into cookie-cutter moulds. An overused phrase? At least it's true and to the point. I'm trying to complete ten event descriptions at the moment, and it's decidedly lip-curlingly horrid. Most of the events I didn't even give a damn (forgive my use of word) about, and now you expect me to write about something I learnt from it?? Was there even anything worth taking away with you? The teachers would be stupid to think we're really not feeding them cooked-up crap that's basically the same in every of the ten descriptions, only turned over and cooked in a different way. I can give you baked, roasted, stewed, fried, slow-cooked, deep-fried, stir-fried, steamed, heated, boiled cookies. Unfortunately, only a couple have any real sincerity in 'em.

is really hot. I still don't understand how he got to be on the 50 Most Beautiful Faces list, but he's a mouth-gapingly good dancer and I'm really rocked that he's still together with his Step Up co-star, Jenna Dewans. :D I wish I could dance like him.

I'm done done done! with the house to house donations! Happiness is sweet. Hey wait, wasn't the quote originally "Victory is sweet"?

The job was fun the first week round, but by the second week I was a bit bored with it. To think that one of the veterans has been doing this for ten years! O.o wow does not cover my admiration for her. Being rejected, that's the first thing a charity worker learns from her job. By far the most important though, is learning that with ten declinations comes one acceptance that changes your world, and becoming a better person for it. Kindness is one of the things a charity worker learns, I guess. You can't help but want to make things easier for someone when you know just how difficult it is to ask for donations and do charity work.

1. A woman sitting on the couch facing away from me, waving me off without so much as sparing me a withering glance and telling her husband to "close the door".
2. People completely ignoring your existence.
3. People looking at you as though you were an alien. All displayed the characteristics of wide eyes , fear and speechlessness. Perhaps they did not know enough language to say a proper "Sorry, but no."?

There are tons of others. These are the worst, and I really have learnt to treasure the people who treat you with respect. Most others just don't care.